Most couples want better communication and increased intimacy. But how do you make that happen?
Below is a list of 10 fun questions to ask your partner on your next dinner date. The purpose of this exercise is to encourage you change up your routine. The idea for this comes from a study about how to increase intimacy between two strangers. You can read more about that study in this New York Times article.
How well do you know your partner?
Even couples who have been together for years can be surprised by asking these questions. There are parts of ourselves that we keep to ourselves. Maybe we’ve asked these questions in the past or maybe we’ve never ventured into this terrain. It can be fun and exciting to learn something new about each other.
Traps couples fall into
It can be easy to fall into routine when you’re in a long-term relationship. You’re running a household, maybe you have kids, and it can be hard to find time to nurture intimacy.
It’s usually helpful to set aside a regular date night or activity that the two of you can rely on each week. If you’re not doing this with your partner now, I suggest you start. It’s important to have a scheduled time to focus on each other each week.
How to use these questions
On your next date night, I encourage you to bring these questions along and take turns listening and responding.
When you’re the listener, try and keep an open mind and quiet any judgement or critisim that may come up. Ask open ended questions like “What is it you like about that?”or “How did that come to be?” Make space for your partner to open up and share more of themselves with you.
When you’re the person responding to the questions, dig deep and be vulnerable. Try and share something new with your partner and push yourself to go right up to the edge of your growth point.
If you don’t make it through all of the questions, keep them around for next week. If you do make it through them, keep asking new questions.
In our most intimate relationships, most of us have a deep desire to be seen and heard by our partners. This is key component to continued intimacy, connection and growth as a couple.
10 fun questions to ask your partner
- If you were to write a book about your life, what genre of book would it be and why?
- What do you look forward to each morning and each week?
- What people, places or things do you miss most from your childhood?
- Can you share a sexual fantasy that we haven’t shared before?
- What are the three things that are most important to you right now, besides me of course?
- If you could trade places with anyone in the world, living or dead, who would it be and why?
- How is your adult life different than you imagined it would be as a kid?
- What are three things you want to accomplish in the next ten years?
- When do you feel most afraid?
- What do you like most about our sex life?
The more you can be curious about your partner, the closer you will become. Intimacy takes intention and time. Allow yourself to see and be seen and the possibilities are endless.
If you enjoyed this exercise, I recommend taking a look at more difficult questions to explore with your partner, too.